i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
