How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
