I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
