Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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