I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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