can u get pink eye on your cock?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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