If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Michael Bay diarrhea
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
