did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
