I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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