Non-Jews are for practice
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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