Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
