he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can you bring me the toilet please
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
