i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Randomize
