Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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