I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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