Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
