I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
