if only i could text you this smell
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
