These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize