but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
