Cold hands, warm shart.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
