She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize