so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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