People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
