A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
