did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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