so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
