And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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