He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
