Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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