I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
