all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
