Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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