Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
