How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
