Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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