my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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