3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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