never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
