I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
