If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
