so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
