:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
