pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
