Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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