I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
