A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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