Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
