So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize