turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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