Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
