There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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