He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize