My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
