went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize