you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
