he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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