Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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