Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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