I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
