what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
