the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
