i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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