Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
