My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
