Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
