I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
