I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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