Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
