I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
