So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
