It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
