Plan B is the new Plan A
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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