my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize