I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
