He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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