just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
