So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
