Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
