How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize