4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to fling myself into the sun
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
