hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
