you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
