Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
