so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize