Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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