I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
