I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
