did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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